NYT Bestselling Author Matthew Kelly | Becoming the Best Version of Yourself

In this inspiring conversation, Matthew Kelly, a prolific author, speaker, and renowned thought leader, shares his perspectives on excellence, leadership, personal development, and the power of dreams. He shares his journey from a first-year business student to becoming one of the world's best speakers, authoring many successful books that have resulted in selling over 50 million copies and impacting lives globally.

Kelly introduces principles that can lead to a more fulfilling life, such as the importance of reading great books, coaching, entering the classroom of silence, slowing down, and defining clear life questions. He also discusses his battle with cancer and how his experience led him to write Life is Messy. 

This episode is filled with empowering lessons for anyone seeking to conquer their problems, manifest their dreams, and achieve excellence in life.

Watch on Youtube
https://youtu.be/6Zt_JMvpqgo

About Matthew Kelly

Matthew Kelly has dedicated his life to helping people and organizations become the-best-version-of-themselves. Born in Sydney, Australia, he began speaking and writing in his late teens while he was attending business school. Since that time, 5 million people have attended his seminars and presentations in more than 50 countries.

​Today, Kelly is an internationally acclaimed speaker, author, and business consultant. His books have been published in more than 30 languages, have appeared on the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestseller lists, and have sold more than 50 million copies.

Connect with Matt Mayberry
https://www.mattmayberryonline.com/

Transcript

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 0:14

I'm super fired up today is I'm so excited to bring to you one of my mentors, someone who's profoundly changed and transformed my life in so many ways. And I want to turn it over to him for in a second. But really, I want to give you a little bit of context and background. history about why this person is so special in my life. When I got injured in the NFL playing for the hometown team, the Chicago Bears, I had no idea what was cut out for my future. When you when you're an athlete and you get to a professional sport, you think you're gonna play 678 years. That's what you've worked for your entire life. And then getting that opportunity, and then having it stripped from you, you lose all sense of hope and purpose. And I picked up a book that a family member recommended to me at the time. It was called

Guest Introduction: Matthew Kelly

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 1:00

The Rhythm of Life. And it was written by Matthew Kelly, who that is, we have the incredible honor and privilege of, that is who is going to be with us today. I think as he begins to share a little bit more about his story, how he got started in his work, he sold over, he'll tell you how many books, multi millions of books sold you know, just one of the best speakers in the entire world. And I'm so excited to bring him here today to talking about excellence, leadership and so many more great stuff. But Matthew, great to have you today. Excellent to be with you.

Matthew Kelly's Journey and Career

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 1:30

Matthew, you know, I think, you know, I know your backstory, but I would love for you to just share with kind of how you got started on this just unbelievable, remarkable journey of just transforming the lives of so many people around the globe. Why don't you start with sharing a little bit about your history and kind of backstory about how you got started doing the work that you're doing. Yeah, I mean, it's really interesting. I think we were sort of sold this lie in our culture, like plan your life. And almost anyone I know who has a really fulfilling life is living a life very different from the life they planned, you know? So I went to an all boys high school 162 guys in my class. When I look at the yearbook of senior year, like there's probably only three people doing what they said And they're probably the three most miserable people, you know, and so and my story is a bit like that. I, I graduated from high school. I went to business school. I thought I wanted to be a marketing guru, you know, probably for Coca Cola or McDonald's or one of the big, you know, global entities. In my first year of. Business school, I was invited to speak at an event where CEOs were speaking and it was a faith based event and you got 20 minutes to give your perspective on life, business and faith. And they would have a CEO speak each month and a first year business student speak each month and I was invited to speak at that. And then they used to record these things and back then this is audio cassettes, we're not even CDs yet. And these tapes used to get passed around Sydney, where I grew up, Sydney, Australia, and people start inviting me to speak at businesses. People start inviting me to speak at schools. People start inviting us to speak at churches. And, and that's really how it got going. I then published my, I self published my first three books before I did my first big publishing deal and traveled around the world for 20, Probably 26 years. I've been off the road for a couple of years now. I'm focusing on being a dad and It's just been an incredible adventure, you know in the business world in the publishing world In the personal development world in the spiritual growth world just in so many aspects. I've been On this adventure and and I really didn't plan it and I don't know where it's going next to be honest

The Art of Public Speaking

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 3:54

Matthew, one of the things that I've, has always just struck me about you is your ability to really capture the heart and soul of the reader or the audience when public speaking, where did that gift come from? Because I think it is so unique and so powerful. So I don't know where the gift came from, but I know where the gift was honed and the gift was honed in high school gymnasiums. Okay. And I would go into a city to speak and wherever I went, They would say, oh, you've gotta speak in the high school. You know, so, you know, Walmart would bring me in to their headquarters there and, and they would say, oh yeah, we're gonna have you speak to all the C-suite and the marketing team, but we also want you to go to like our high school. And you know, you put a thousand kids or 2000 kids in a gymnasium. With a sound system, which is always sketchy. Okay. That is a wild beast. Okay. If you do not have their attention from the outset. You will lose them, and once you lose them, they are gone. You are not getting them back. And so, from doing that every day, for probably almost a decade, or at least 250 days a year I think that's where the, that gift was honed, because it really is a very, it's, it's a scary audience, in my opinion. Well, I'll tell you what your ability to tell stories and everybody, if you have not, whether you're listening to this or watching this, if you have not seen Matthew Kelly, please go to YouTube. He's got a tremendous videos. He puts out on his YouTube channel. Experience the gift of Matthew Kelly and his incredible storytelling ability. I guarantee you, I guarantee you it will, it will touch you in some positive way. You know, Matthew, one of the things I really wanted to ask you about that, this is something I've personally been curious about, but I know that so many people would benefit from the importance of this.

Living with Passion and Purpose

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 5:48

One of the things you talk about is the importance of living every day with passion and purpose. Can you talk about how that materialized and really how do we, not only how it materialized, but how do we start to cultivate more passion and purpose in our everyday lives when we have so much chaos going on in our personal or professional lives? I think the reality is we're made for mission. We're not made to serve ourselves. We're not made for selfish indulgence of every whim, craving, fancy that we have. You know, we're made for service. We're made for mission. And, and, and that changes everything. It's a, it's a paradigm shifting idea. Because a lot of people look at their lives and even, let's say, their professional lives. And, you know, when we're little kids people say, what do you want to do? When you grow up or what do you want to do when you go to college? Or where do you want to go to college? Or where do you want this? All this, all these want, want, want questions, you know, and getting what I want never made me happy. I don't know about you, but getting what I want never made me happy. Serving people powerfully has, has brought almost all the fulfillment that I've experienced in this life. And so the question is, is like, is, is our path, is it a calling or is it a choice? If it's a choice, I think you'll almost always make the wrong choice. And if it's a calling, then if you keep listening, you almost never get that wrong. Wow. And what is, what is maybe an actionable idea or exercise that someone can start to implement into their daily life where, You know, they might be thinking right now they're working in a job that they're not satisfied or fulfilled at. They have a manager or leader or boss that is not challenging them and helping them to grow to become the best version of themselves. How can we take ownership and control of our lives and really start recreating our future if we're not happy with where we are? I love this question. This is a, it's a fantastic question. It's a, it's such a good question. Okay. So what I would say is that when we get into this place, okay, psychologically, emotionally, intellectually, professionally, whatever we get into this space, it, it is at first a space of overwhelmedness. Okay. So we feel overwhelmed and The first thing to do is to really define a single question, okay? So not ten different questions. What we do is we think about ten different questions, and we obsess about one today, and then a different one tomorrow, and a different one the next day, and we make no progress. We continue to feel overwhelmed. We, and we don't get any more clarity, and that's really what we're looking for. We're looking to go from confusion to clarity. We're looking to go from chaos to order. Okay. And so the first step is defined a question. So let's say person's living in Chicago, hates their job. And the question is should I start looking for a new job? Or maybe they've been offered another job, but it's in San Francisco. And the question is Okay, should I pursue this opportunity in San Francisco? You have to define the question. You have to write it down. Because if you define it in your mind, it's amazing how many times you'll edit it and re edit it and change it over the next week or two weeks or month. So define the question, write it down, and then find a quiet place. You've heard me talk a thousand times about the classroom of silence. You know, you get more answers in an hour of silence than you can in a year from books. Sit with that question in the classroom of silence for 10 minutes every day and just be quiet. Just listen, okay? Just listen. The word obedience comes from the Latin verb Which means to listen deeply. It's got nothing to do with doing what you're told. It means to listen deeply. And that's what we have to learn to do. We have to learn to listen deeply to our life. We have to learn to listen deeply to all the ways that we're being communicated with by the Divine. And we have to learn to listen deeply to our needs, our talents, our desires and find the intersection. I honestly believe that if you sit in silence With a single, clearly defined question for long enough, the answer will come to you and it will come to you very, very clearly. Wow. And to create that habit of sitting in silence each day. If people are spiritual people, religious people, they might say, okay, yeah, yeah, I do the prayer thing. The problem is that often the prayer thing is filled with a lot of words. You know, it isn't a silence just to sit and listen. Is something that I think we all need to do regardless of our interests. Spiritually Absolutely. And, speaking on the terms of, you know, keeping that front and center, the power of passion and purpose, what about for leaders and organizations, you know, because one of the things that I think is front and center right now for the whole world that's, that's watching and that's a fan of college football is the University of Colorado football team and what Dehon Sanders you know, what they've been able to do, regardless of what happens the rest of the season, I think him coming in and having an extraordinary level of visionary leadership. Yeah. And being able to ignite an entire university and really the whole college football world around his vision of what he sees for his team and his players.

The Power of Dreams

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 11:15

Can you talk a little bit about the power of dreams, the power of having dreams for our life. You've obviously written the book, the dream manager. But can you talk about how it's so important for organizations to get very clear on, you know, what are their dreams? And then in return, helping their people get clear on their dreams and how that benefits the organization great. So think about again that same two journeys, the journey from confusion to clarity, the journey from chaos to order. Okay. If you look at most organizations, they're confused and they're chaotic. Okay. If you look at great leaders, whether it's the on Sanders or anybody else, what they always bring is clarity. They always bring clarity around what matters most, what matters least, what doesn't matter at all. And so, it's that clarity that injects us with passion and purpose. It's like, okay, yeah, now I know what I'm meant to do. Most people don't know what they're meant to do. They don't know how their success is being measured. I do an exercise with executives when we do executive retreats. I do this exercise. I give them a sheet of paper. blank sheet of paper, tell them to name an employee and then write down what they expect of that employee. Okay. And then one of my colleagues at the same time in real time, we'll be working with the employee and we'll give them a blank sheet of paper and ask that employee, write down what you think your boss expects of you. Okay. And then we put the two together with the executive and we say, okay, look at the gap. Like, here is a good person who is willing to work hard, who wants good things for himself, herself, the organization, but he or she is not clear about what you expect from them. Okay, if you give people clarity, you give them their best chance at success. Okay, and the kind of clarity that a guy like Deion Sanders is going to bring. is very rare because it takes time to develop clarity. It takes discipline to develop clarity. You know, if, if I want my team to go into next week with great clarity about what I need from them, I need to give some very serious thought up front about, okay, what, what is most important next week? What is the work and are we organizing around the work? Because when we don't have that clarity, then we start to organize around things other than the work. We start to organize around personalities, difficult personalities, dominant personalities. We start to organize around personal preferences. And we, and, and we get lost, we get off track, we get confused and, and, and we get chaotic. When it comes to the dreams, the dreams are sort of a an ultimate declaration of, of that clarity, right? It's to say these are the things that are important to me. The dream manager came from a few experiences, one of which was I started keeping a dream list when I was well, I was, I was still in my teen, teen years and, and then I would force myself to make a list of a hundred dreams every year. And, and I would do it every year and, and you come back and you look at it after a year and it's amazing how many you accomplish just by writing them down. You didn't necessarily wake up one day and say, okay, I'm going to do that one now. But just by writing them down, you start to work on them. Your subconscious starts to, to bring them to fruition. And then at the end of the year, I'd look at the list of dreams and I'd realize, well, that one. That was important to me a year ago, but I'm a different person now. Different things are important to me now. I have hopefully more wisdom today than I did a year ago. I'm I'm going to put this other one on the list. So just because you write a dream down doesn't mean you need to do it. And, and what does become clear is in the midst of all of those dreams, a hundred dreams a very small number, you'll realize, okay. And these are the most important ones. And we start getting after our dreams amazing things happen because we're animated by our dreams. In my latest book, The Rocking Chair Prophet, I think my favorite character is a guy called Ezra. And and he's, Ezra's like 60s and he's lived his life as a lawyer. He's lived his life nobly, supporting his family. But as part of that, he has neglected his own personal dreams. And, and Daniel, the rocking chair prophet, really encourages Ezra to get after his dreams. And it's amazing how it changes Ezra as a man. It's amazing how it changes Ezra as a husband, how it changes him as a, a friend and as a father, because we are animated by our dreams like anima. The, the word animation means to breathe life into, okay? And so when we're, when we're not chasing our dreams, You know, life is not being breathed into us and we become inanimate rather than animated. And, and I think that's the most amazing thing about dreams is watching them animate people and just bring people to new life. with understanding the importance

The Importance of Personal Dreams in Professional Life

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 16:18

of dreams. And anybody that's taken the time and having the, the, the, the practice of sitting down, whether it's a weekend or. You know, even the ritual of doing it every month of writing down their dreams and what's on their heart for that given point in time, you know, why would, why do you think that so many leaders in the business world still confuse and there's a disparity between it's, it's what's best for the organization only and you know, Hey, we can sit here and talk about your dreams as a team member, but at the end of the day, I don't see the correlation with me as a leader and as the organization, I don't, I don't see the benefit in helping you embark on a journey of becoming a better version of yourself. Why do you think there's such a disparity there? Well, first thing I would say is that statistically Those leaders have now been proven wrong, you know, I think that certainly at Floyd with all this data we have around the dream manager program and how it has impacted the businesses where it has been implemented, you just statistically you can't argue with it anymore, but I think we have to look at the history here essentially since the industrial revolution a group of people, a group of thinkers, a group of leaders have been trying to separate the personal from the professional. That's impossible to do. Okay, not difficult, impossible. It's never going to happen. Our most recent blunder with that, and it was a catastrophic blunder that we continue to deal with every day in the corporate world, was the concept of work life balance, which was developed by a British psychologist in the 80s. And the problem with the term, the concept of work life balance is that when I ask someone, do you have work life balance? I'm basically saying to them. Your work isn't part of your life. How do you feel about that? Nobody's going to feel good about that. If that's the paradigm you set up, the problem is, is that work is part of our life. It's a big part of our life. It's an important part of our life. It can be an incredibly fulfilling and satisfying part of our life and should be wherever possible. And to tell people that their work isn't part of their life is lunacy. It's ridiculous. And again, It's this industrial revolution trying to separate the personal from the professional. It can't do it. It can't be done. It's never going to be done. We'll come up with another version of that and, and we will fail again. They're always going to be leaders who are managing the balance sheet, you know, and, and. on the balance sheet. When you look at the assets column, your people aren't on the balance sheet. And so when leaders are managing a balance sheet, they don't think about people because they look at the assets and the people aren't on the assets of the balance sheet. And the reality is that people are the assets, the biggest assets of any organization. And that leader is never going to be able to get that. But I think that there, there is a leadership developing and I would say in, in a very hopeful way, in a very positive way. I think it's much more available now today and then it was even 10 years ago and certainly 20 years ago where leaders realize, okay the scariest idea in business, in my opinion, is that an employee who has a highly dysfunctional personal life. is a worse employee than an employee that has a highly functioning personal life. Okay? Now, you can't say that. The lawyers and, and HR, you know, they will take you, you will be

The Role of Leaders in Encouraging Dreams

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 19:35

done. You can't say that. Okay? But the reality is, any reasonable person understands, okay, a human being that has a highly functioning personal life is going to be a greater asset to my business than a human being with a highly dysfunctional personal life. Okay? Common sense just dictates that that is true. And all we're looking at is an extension of that. Okay, because if I have an employee and he's in a stressful time with a project... Okay. And his wife at home is really supportive. He's going to step into that stressful time in a different way. He's going to step into it loved and supported. If I have a guy who is in a really stressful time for a project and his wife at home is not supportive, okay, he's going to struggle in that project. He might still get it done, but the cost to him, to his marriage, to the organization and to the project are going to be significant. And so what has happened is the overwhelming trend in society is people's lives. are becoming more dysfunctional. Great leaders have recognized unless I help my people with that, it is going to affect my business. My people, when they're looking for intelligence, when they're looking for innovation, when they're looking for creativity, when they're looking for passion and purpose, they draw from the same bucket, whether they're drawing it for personal ends or professional ends. So great leaders understand it's coming from the same bucket. All we have to do is work out what fills up the bucket and what fills up the bucket faster than anything else is a human being engaged in their personal life. And what does that faster than anything else is to get them to identify a dream and start chasing that dream. And when they start chasing that dream, they become so engaged in their personal life. They don't walk through the door at work and turn off their engagement. They bring that personal engagement to their professional life. And that is ultimately where the enormous benefit for businesses. is for serving their people in these ways. And it can be laid out. It can be proven statistically. It can be proven economically. It just isn't even a discussion anymore. But you're always going to have that other type of leader who is just managing the balance sheet and particularly the short term balance sheet in an environment where share prices are, you know, fluctuating on the worst. Kind of data on the planet, which is basically gossip, rumor, innuendo. right. And, you know, outside of reading and picking up a copy of the Dream Manager, you know, what is one actionable thing that all leaders can do to start invigorate more enthusiasm and excitement and passion for really to start creating a bigger future for their organization, regardless of the size of the organization?

Practical Steps for Leaders to Encourage Dreams

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 22:20

You know, what would you say is one practical step that all leaders can start doing if they currently don't have a Dream Manager on staff? So the first thing is, I would stay with the reading for a minute. And, you know, whether it's my books or your books or anybody's books, read great books. Okay? There is a fundamental difference between people who are readers and people who are non readers. If you want to lead a great team, get your team to be readers. You will have people on the team will say, I'm not a reader. Well, that is your then responsibility to get books that non readers can read and enjoy. I think one of the things about the dream manager is one of the most common things I heard from people is I'm really not a reader. But I really enjoyed this book. I've heard the same thing about your books. So get your team reading, discuss books with people, give books to people for, for 20 bucks, you can give the world's expert on pretty much any topic to your team. And so give your team books and, and read books and read five pages a day, just forever the rest of your life, become a reader, encourage the people around you to become a leader. That's first thing. The second thing I would say is, you know, ask your people what their dreams are. Most meetings are boring. Most meetings are dreaded. And there's easy ways to get the conversation started, you know. So we've got a list of, I think, a hundred questions we share with managers. One of them is like, if you could drive any sort of car, what sort of car would you drive? Okay, and you start a meeting just for that conversation and just go around the room and people will say their cars and you learn the most fascinating things about people, you know, people say, I want this car and you would, you would never have thought that person want that car and you will come to someone who says, I'm happy with the car I want. Okay. And that's an important lesson right there because you've basically said to these people, you can have any car you want, okay. You know, and so what I would say to that person then is, okay, well, imagine we live in a world where you could have two cars, you know, because they're, they're operating out of scarcity, limited resources when they say, I'm fine with the car I've got. In a world of abundance where anyone can have anything they want, that person would want some other car. And when you get into it with that person, they'll end up asking for something ridiculous. Like they'll say, Oh, I want a Ferrari. And it's like, well, hold on a minute. What are you driving at the moment? I've got a Camry. Great. So we went really quick from a Camry to a Ferrari, you know but to get people dreaming, even if you just ask like 10 or 12 people, if they could have any car, what car would they want? The whole energy in that room will change. Nobody's getting the car, but the whole energy in the room will change. If you ask in the next meeting, if you could go on vacation next year, anywhere in the world, the whole energy in the room will change and they will know each other in ways. that they would never get to know each other through their work. And so ask people what their dreams are and, and specific questions. But also, just broadly, what are your dreams? Because most people, they don't know. And most people have never had somebody ask them. And most people get into bed every night with somebody and they have no idea what their dreams are. They might have known their dreams when they got married 20 years ago. But our dreams change. They evolve. They, they develop. And so just have the conversation. What are your dreams? How can I help you fulfill your dreams? Because the thing I will say is that we love the people who help us accomplish our dreams. I, I can. why I love, that's why I love you. I appreciate that.

Appreciating the Power of Dreams

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 25:58

But like there's, there's so many people who have helped me be who I am and where I am today, you know, as a human being before the success and those people that could call me any hour of the night or day, they call me four o'clock in the morning and say, I need you. And I need you here and I need it now and like I will be there because we, we never lose appreciation or respect for the people who help us fulfill our dreams. And I think that the power of dreams changes lives. It transforms lives. It's changed. It's changed generations. You know, I'm not a parent yet. I know that you are. You know, but one of the things that a mentor told me probably about a, you know, I would say three years ago that has really stuck with me. And I know that the moment I do become a parent, I'm honored and, and, and privileged to become a parent. I'll keep that with me front and center. He always said, one of the greatest gift you can give your children is never, ever, ever, ever, ever stop going after your dreams and building your best life. Because when you look at so many parents, right? And obviously there's different complications and challenges. So it's never to talk down on somebody that may have given up on a dream. That's definitely not the intent there. But I think you do find so many people as they get older in life, they go through a period where they just give up all hope. You know, I have two kids now, three kids, this is my life now. But I always, when he said that to me, It really sent goosebumps my arms and it's something that I'll continually keep with me. You know, can you talk about the power of dreams with not only children, but also with just in our personal relationships, you know, about how that can transform really every dynamic

The Uniqueness of Human Dreams

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 27:33

of our life. Yeah, it's a really interesting question. I've done a lot of thinking about this one, especially the example you just described because everything in history has been built by people. Everything worthwhile in history has been built by people who believe that the future. could be better than the past. And essentially what we do when we dream is that we transport ourselves into the future. We imagine something better in the future, and then we come back into the present and we work in the present to bring about that richly imagined. Future reality, the dream. Okay. And it's a uniquely human gift. Like dogs don't do that. Dogs don't dream. Whales don't dream. We talk about how clever whales are and all this sort of thing. They don't dream about future civilizations. They don't dream about future innovations. It is uniquely human gift. So that's the first thing.

Redefining the Concept of a Better Future

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 28:28

The second thing is I used to believe that it's about building a bigger, better future. I no longer believe that. And this is where particularly people in their fourth quarter of their life they get stuck because our culture says. Bigger is better. Bigger is better. Bigger is better. More is better. Faster is better. And, and what I've realized is that sometimes our better future can be a smaller future. Okay. And, and, and that sometimes the right thing to do for you to become the best version of yourself is, is to contract and to have a smaller future, to have a simpler future. And, and that is something that our culture does not set us up for, does not teach us. And that's why so many people in that fourth quarter of life, they really are struggling with that because especially successful people, they've been building something bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger their whole lives. And now they think that that's the only way to do this. And the reality is that's not true. Like to dream of a simpler, smaller future is actually a beautiful thing. You know, because, you know, we have these big houses maybe and do we really want to be taking care of them till we die? Yeah, probably not. Maybe a smaller future is a better future. We got a lot of stuff, you know.

The Power of Giving and Simplifying Life

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 29:56

I started doing this thing about 18 months ago. I give something away every day and I've still got so much stuff I just don't need, you know. And but I feel the burden as I give stuff away. I feel the burden going away. And, and, so a simpler, smaller life. Can be a better future and, and I think we need to learn both those skills for different stages of life and for different scenarios. And we need to teach our kids both of those skills because otherwise I think most successful people do come up against the exact example you described where they get to a point where they don't really feel called to go out and build something enormous again. But that's really the only thing they've been told and so they, they get stuck and they get confused and they get this deer in the headlight look and, and we need to teach them this other set of skills. Absolutely. Absolutely. One of the things that I'm a big believer in is, you know, a standard of excellence, achieving excellence, and whatever that sphere of influence in your life is, or whatever that may be for you and your walk right

The Role of Habits in Unleashing Potential

matthew_kelly-aicpxm90v__raw-video-cfr_matt-mayberry-podcast_2023-sep-07-0615pm_chicago_podcast stu 31:00

now. I'm a big believer in habits and setting up a foundation for, you know, really helping to unleash your full potential. What would you say are the top three habits that have really impacted your life in just enormous ways?

The Power of Reading and Coaching

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Reading for sure. You know, I talk about it all the time. I love books. I love writing books. I love reading books. I love bookstores. I love just looking at books. I love, I love the words. I love the, I love the paper they use. I love the designs. I love everything about books. I really just believe that books are so important to a person's, the trajectory, fulfillment. Success, excellence of a person's life because, and this will be number two coaching is just so important. Nobody achieves excellence at anything without coaching. And I remember my dad as when I was a kid, played a lot of sports, but. I remember one season, I was playing soccer and my dad would drop me off to training and he'd say, listen to your coach, Matthew. Every time, listen to your coach, Matthew. And before every game, Matthew, listen to your coach. And he used to say this to me from when I was little until I was, you know, all the way through. And I remember when I was about 16 I was sitting with my dad, we were watching one of my brothers play cricket. And we were just sitting there. And I said to my dad, Dad, why do you always say listen to your coach? And he turned, he looked me straight in the eye, didn't even have to think about it. Looked me straight in the eye and he said, because nobody achieves excellence at anything without coaching. And I said, what do you mean, dad? You know, he said, like, if you've got tons of natural ability, you could be pretty good. If you've got tons of natural ability and you work really hard at it, you might be great. But excellence? Best in class, the best in the world, the best you can be at something, he says without coaching, forget it, that never happens, you know, and so my dad was an enormous fan of coaching in every form, formally and informally, you know, and, and he, he was just constantly coaching us, you know, and I remember one day walking down the road and we, we saw this Rolls Royce parked and And my dad stopped us. I have seven brothers. Okay. And my dad stopped us and we're all standing there. We're looking at the Rolls Royce and and he said to us, he said, what do you think most people think when they walk past and see this car? You know, and one of my older brothers, he said, well, they're probably, they're probably jealous, you know, they're probably envious, you know? And then my dad said, what do you think I think? When I walk past and I see this car and my eldest brother said to him, I know exactly what you think, dad. You think somebody worked really hard and got excellent at something. And that's just an external manifestation of what they built within themselves and went out and shared with the world. And it's just, I was just having those lessons my whole life growing up, just coaching. So you ask for three. One, reading. Two, coaching.

The Importance of Silence and Slowing Down

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Three, I would say silence. I just, I'm a big fan of silence. I think we live in a crazy, noisy, busy world. You know, the Rocking Chair Prophet is all about learning to listen to that voice within us. We listen to so many experts in our lives and we ignore that voice within us. And all of my regrets in life are when I ignored that voice within me. You know, all of my regrets in life are when I ignored the voice within me and listened to some other voice and went off and did some other thing. And so I think like time each day in silence just to listen to that voice within just to get comfortable with yourself It's just so important you ask for three I'll give you four because one is really important to me at the moment and that is slow down, you know This is my biggest focus for this year. It's just I need that myself. Yep, and it doesn't mean doing less stuff necessarily, but just Just slow down. And and it's amazing how slowing down brings mindfulness to things, brings focus to things. Which breeds efficiency, effectiveness, and allows us to be present to who and what we're with. Absolutely. I love those four things. And so, so

Embracing Vulnerability and Overcoming Challenges

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key to life. You know, in, in some of your more recent work, you've really been more vulnerable. Really, I think that's one of the things that I've noticed from somebody who's watched all of your videos, read all of your books. I've, I've really noticed the vulnerability shine through. And one of the things that you've tackled. In some of your last books is really your experiences, you know, with overcoming cancer on numerous occasions. Can you talk about maybe what are, what are the top learning lessons that you've taken, you know, really taken away from those experiences and what, how has that really built you into the man that you are today? Yeah, so the first thing I would say is about the vulnerability, you know. I think in the world you and I move in, which is a world of authors and speakers I think they're pretty clearly divided into two groups. And one group is like pretending like they've got it all together, and they've got all the answers. And the other group is... Really comfortable with their humanity and saying, I am striving to grow. I am striving for excellence, but let's be really honest about where I'm at and let's be really honest about where I've been, you know, and and I find that people learn much more effectively if they know how human I am. If they know what I'm struggling with today and what I've struggled with in the past rather than if I pretend like I've got it all together and I've got all the answers because nobody does. And everyone knows that's not true for anybody. So I think vulnerability is very important to relationships. I think I look at my relationship. With the reader as a relationship, you know, and and I think that vulnerability, I think all my best writing is, is where, where that vulnerability is, is front and center. My own struggles, you know, my book Life is Messy is probably where I talk about this the most. And yeah, I have had cancer three times. What was my lesson from that? Well, I never refer to myself as a survivor. People will come up to me and they'll say, Oh, I'm, I'm like you or I'm, I'm, I'm one too. And, and I literally, at first I did not know what people were talking about. And then they would say, well, I'm a cancer survivor. I don't think about it. Okay. I don't think about cancer. I'm not going to identify myself as a cancer survivor because I don't want that actually as part of my identity. I want, I want a very different identity. And so So that's one thing. And I've seen something fascinating with that. You know, I have someone very close to me who was diagnosed with a very serious cancer five years ago. And she was told she had three months to live. And that there was, forget it, no treatment. And we got her on an experimental drug. And it was an immunotherapy drug. So five years later, she is... No better off and no worse off than she was five years ago. She's still living independently, taking care of herself, driving, cooking all her meals, all of that stuff. Okay. And, and I asked her recently, like, like, what how'd that happen? You know because even with the, the test drug, I think there's like 197 people in the testing and like 196 of them are dead. And and I said like, come on now, what? And she said to me, she said, I didn't tell anyone I was sick. She said, I only told five people in my life and those five people had to know she said my best friends don't know That I have cancer, you know And and she said I decided that today the day I found out I decided I wasn't gonna spend the rest of my life Talking about you know How do I feel and am I sick and how sick am I and all this sort of thing? and and what's fascinating is it's true right if you get that sort of sickness and That's all people talk about and, and there has to be some manifestation of that. I don't understand it, but I, but I do believe that what we think about will increase in our life. And if you keep thinking about and talking about sickness all the time, I got to believe you're going to get sicker by the day. And so she didn't tell anyone. And I think that, that requires incredible discipline. You know, tell five people, the five people I had to know. And here she is five years later. So it's really extraordinary. I would say the other thing that really brought on the book, Life is Messy, is a series of what I would describe as just sort of brutal betrayals you know, by people who were close to me and just all sorts of people, extended people in my extended family, business partners, just. Betrayal after betrayal, just a whole run of them for about, I don't know, at least 18 months and, and being blindsided every time really thinking, okay, this person would never do that to me. And that really disoriented me. And I think life is messy sort of came out of. That period in my life. But I, I believe, that life is messy in general. Business can be messy. Our, our, every area of our life can be messy, but I really believe that our, our level of perspective dictates our performance and how we go about our life. Part of the reason why I asked you about, you know, your journey in overcoming cancer and you know, that period of your life, because for me, being at rock bottom has really added so many more blessings to my life than, than ever, you know, every time when I was on top or when everything was going right or when I was just accumulating blessing after a blessing. So for me, I, I've really, I'm not saying every time, but I, I truly, truly enjoy the adversity and challenges of life because I truly believe with our level of perspective, it's not there to make us bitter, but better. Yeah, I agree with that. You also don't need to go looking for it because they are going to come. And and I think that's the thing about life is messy. Like the opening line of the book is life is messy. You're not doing it wrong. I think people think when their life is messy that they're doing it wrong. And, and they're not. Life is messy. You have a problem today. I have a problem today. And, you know, we'll get through it. We'll get it done. But one thing I know for sure, as soon as we're done with this problem... There's going to be another problem and and and the problems the mess are designed to help us grow They're designed to sharpen us as human beings to help us develop character to develop virtue to become better versions of ourselves to become better husbands and brothers and fathers and all these sorts of things so I agree with you. I think that the perspective is critical.

The Impact of Books

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we move to the last two questions and let you go, Matthew, where can everybody go to find your work? Is there a book that you recommend, you know, your YouTube channel, you know, where can everybody go to immerse themselves into your incredible work? Well, I appreciate that. Matthewkelly. com for just a look at everything. All the many, many things I'm involved in. My latest book is called the rocking chair profit. It's a novel. I think it's a fun read and been just stunned. It's a dream I've had for 20 years and I've put off and off and off and, and I'm really kicking myself now cause the response has been amazing. So the rocking chair profit. And then the YouTube channel is Matthew Kelly, author and you know, tons of my archives up there to share with people in your life, whether it's people at work or your kids or, you know, relationship stuff, it's, it's all up there on the YouTube channel. Perfect. Thank you so much for that. My last two questions for you, Matthew. The first question is, what are three books that have changed your life that you recommend everybody throughout their lifetime that they read that Oh, so that's, that's a hard one. And I'll give you the three books, but I'll, I'll, I'll start with a with a disclaimer. If I go to the doctor, a good doctor says to me, How are you, Matthew? And I say, Well, I'm sick. That's why I'm here. And he says, All right, well, tell me what's going on. And I say, Well, my leg hurts, let's say. And he doesn't just take a medicine and say, Take this. He doesn't just grab an injection and shove it in my arm and say, All right, on your way. No, he said, he asked questions. He says okay, your leg hurts. Wow. Like, where does it hurt? Well, it's in my calf. You know, he says, right, show me exactly where it hurts. Like put your finger exactly where it hurts. And then he says, okay, when did it start hurting? I say, oh, about six weeks ago. He's like, oh, well, what, what happened six weeks ago? I'm like, oh, he's like, well, think about it for a minute. You know? Oh, I realized, oh, six weeks ago, I was throwing the kids around in the yard and, you know, we're at this family reunion and... So, so a great doctor asks questions and then prescribes the remedy, which could be many things beyond medication. Based on the answers to those questions based on the diagnosis, I believe that recommending a book is as important as the work of a doctor. Okay. So if someone came to me and said, what book should I read? I would say to them, tell me about what's going on in your life. You know, what are you happy about? What's your biggest problem at the moment? What's keeping you awake at life at night, literally, or proverbially or What, what, what, what hurts? Like, what is your wound at the moment? And, and then out of that, I would prescribe, but I give you three books anyway seven habits, highly effective people. I read it every year. Okay. It just is a classic. And, and interestingly, I'm amazed particularly how many young people in the organizations I own or run. I've never heard of it and have really had no exposure to those principles. So if you are managing younger people, this is a body of knowledge that you will take for granted. And they may have absolutely no exposure to whatsoever. So that's number one. Number two would be The Road Less Traveled. M. Scott Peck. It's a, it's a book of psychology, really. People today, I believe, are much more psychologically fragile and complex than they were 10 years ago. COVID had an enormous impact on that, but social changes have also had an enormous impact on the psychological fragility that many people are experiencing and displaying. Road Less Travelled is a brilliant exploration of our psychology and particularly of an understanding of what we are responsible for and what we aren't responsible for and how we set up healthy and reasonable boundaries around. responsibility in our lives and take responsibility for what we are responsible for. But don't become addicted to other people's responsibilities and, and taking responsibilities for other people's. And then the, the last one I'll, I'll give you is is A little bit different. It's a, it's a kid's book written for adults. In my opinion, it's the Velveteen Rabbit and and I, I do have an interest in this one because I wrote the, I wrote the introduction to the 175th anniversary edition, which was just released. But it is firstly to think about a book that can stick around for that long. Okay, it, it is profound. It has deep and universal truth. The Velveteen Rabbit is about, it's about being honest. It's about being real. It's about not trying to pretend to be someone you're not, and how you can never be happy pretending to be somebody. We live in a world of pretenders. Unfortunately, that is just the reality. We live in a world that teaches young people to pretend. Social media is a world of pretending. And so there's less and less realness in people, and as a result, less and less realness in relationships, and more and more dissatisfaction and disconnection and dysfunction in relationships because we live in a world of pretending so that'd be the three books. Perfect.

Personal Definition of Excellence

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And my very last question for you, Matthew, is what does excellence mean to you? I think it means, firstly, I think it's a personal question. It is, it is not a it's not a rote question. I think it's a personal question. It's like when we ask What is the meaning of life? People aren't really interested in the answer to that question. The question they really want the answer to is What is the meaning of my life? And, and so I think with excellence it's the same thing. For me, excellence is striving with all my might, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually to be a better person today than I was yesterday. It has nothing to do with any external It's not about beating somebody else. It's not about being better at somebody else. It certainly isn't about external accomplishments or achievements. It is, it's an internal thing. It's, it's being able to put my head on my pillow at night, which is a solitary moment we all have. Even if we're in bed with somebody else, there's this moment where we lay on a bed, head on our pillows at night and our life either makes sense or it doesn't. And one way or another, we know. And when we're striving for excellence, our life has a much higher chance of making sense to us in that moment when we lay our head on our pillow at night. Powerful. Matthew, thank you so much for joining me today. Everybody, please, you know, go to MatthewKelley. com and check out his YouTube channel. I hope you experienced the gift of Matthew Kelley because part of the reason why I wanted to have him on here today is because he truly transformed my life in so many ways and I make it a point in my own personal life that every time I talk with him, whether it's email or on the phone, I tell him exactly that he's going to get really sick and tired of me telling him that, but he's benefited my life. I hope he benefits your life as well. Thank you so much for your time, You're welcome, Matt. It's a pleasure.